Saturday, May 10, 2014

For the first time

I waited. Something happened that left me emotionally distressed, and I waited. I didn't write about it right away when I wanted to scream and started crying because I knew I would just start expressing how upset I am or how weird I was feeling and that's not the point I wanted to end up making.

After contacting my main friends and confiding in them right away (I've slowly noticed who I have to talk to right away) in those conversations is when I start to realize why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling and that this will pass.

I saw my ex. I went to the movies, and even though this city I live in is so terribly over populated my seat was one row in front of my ex's at the movie theatres. I don't know why the universe allowed this to happen but it did, and I handled it as best I could.

I would have loved to say hi, and be the bigger person and express once again that things are fine. But he didn't allow me the opportunity, which somehow in turn made me feel worse when I got home and sat by myself and thought about what just happened.

It felt as though he ran away. The one with the girlfriend who's supposed to have been moved on, vanished.

Not that I wanted to catch up on life stories, but a hello goes a long way in communicating there doesn't need to be tension when we bump into each other.

I hated the idea of looking at him there sitting, this person I knew. I knew so well, everything there absolutely was to know. And now I don't. It was a scary sad feeling, I felt empty looking at him. That things have ended up where he's become this stranger to me. I hated the thought of that.

The next morning after my friends all asked how I was doing because they knew I was going through a hard time, I realized that I was right back to how I was before I saw him. Okay. I just needed my time to cope with seeing him. And I honestly think I'm getting better at it.

It's been a long gruelling journey surviving this break up, I must say. It wasn't easy. It still isn't easy, I'm having new epiphanies about it all the time and accepting the different facets to how I was feeling everyday. I know things are going exactly as they should be going and I can't keep fighting that this isn't supposed to be how my story plays out.  

No comments:

Post a Comment