Wednesday, May 28, 2014

“I drove past your house yesterday
and wondered if you still remember
how I look,
sound,
feel.
Foolish, I know.
It’s so beautifully arrogant though,
how you still demand to be felt.”
— and how easily I concede

.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Wow. Yes.

“Everyone always wants to know how you can tell when it’s true love, and the answer is this: when the pain doesn’t fade and the scars don’t heal, and it’s too damned late.”
— Jonathan Tropper, The Book of Joe

Monday, May 19, 2014

Starting with the 1970's

I don't think it's fair that all these amazing movies exist and just because it wasn't a part of my generation I have to miss out on them. So I've finally created a list of movies I must see, starting with the 70's working my way to the 90's

The list is much more massive than I anticipated.

Along with this I want to read way more this summer.

I'm officially going to have be extra content with staying home if I want to accomplish all if not most of this from now till September.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

For the first time

I waited. Something happened that left me emotionally distressed, and I waited. I didn't write about it right away when I wanted to scream and started crying because I knew I would just start expressing how upset I am or how weird I was feeling and that's not the point I wanted to end up making.

After contacting my main friends and confiding in them right away (I've slowly noticed who I have to talk to right away) in those conversations is when I start to realize why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling and that this will pass.

I saw my ex. I went to the movies, and even though this city I live in is so terribly over populated my seat was one row in front of my ex's at the movie theatres. I don't know why the universe allowed this to happen but it did, and I handled it as best I could.

I would have loved to say hi, and be the bigger person and express once again that things are fine. But he didn't allow me the opportunity, which somehow in turn made me feel worse when I got home and sat by myself and thought about what just happened.

It felt as though he ran away. The one with the girlfriend who's supposed to have been moved on, vanished.

Not that I wanted to catch up on life stories, but a hello goes a long way in communicating there doesn't need to be tension when we bump into each other.

I hated the idea of looking at him there sitting, this person I knew. I knew so well, everything there absolutely was to know. And now I don't. It was a scary sad feeling, I felt empty looking at him. That things have ended up where he's become this stranger to me. I hated the thought of that.

The next morning after my friends all asked how I was doing because they knew I was going through a hard time, I realized that I was right back to how I was before I saw him. Okay. I just needed my time to cope with seeing him. And I honestly think I'm getting better at it.

It's been a long gruelling journey surviving this break up, I must say. It wasn't easy. It still isn't easy, I'm having new epiphanies about it all the time and accepting the different facets to how I was feeling everyday. I know things are going exactly as they should be going and I can't keep fighting that this isn't supposed to be how my story plays out.  
Who knows where inspiration comes from. Perhaps it arises from desperation. Perhaps it comes from the flukes of the universe, the kindness of the muses.
— Amy Tan

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Yes Yes Yes

You Can't Let The Fear Of Getting Hurt Keep You From Growing 

That link at the top is my very first thought catalog article. I'm so happy about this. It was pretty much the first thing I saw when I woke up this morning and I've been so excited ever since. I'm so happy with the way it turned out, and I'm so thankful this dream or goal of mine became real.

I'm also so thankful for the kind words from all my friends and family who have read it and actually like it. I mean it would be okay if they didn't because I love it no matter what, but it's still awesome that anyone even took the time to read it at all.

I'm so proud of myself. For sharing this. For being so honest in it, and creating this from a little conversation me and my close friend were happening. That is literally where it manifested itself from.

I need to make this happen again.

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Thought Catalog Saint

I've definitely been super lucky lately when it comes to the guidance and help I've been getting from a piece I've been working on for thought catalog. My goal is to have my writing up on this site and hopefully have it happen more often beyond this first one.

She responded pushing me to to organize my thoughts more and narrow down the emotion I'm trying to convey. And then she'll look at it again.

All great advice. It's frustrating that I can't just spit out something that's ready already. Like I'm trying to stay positive and thankful for the chances I'm getting but it's also a little but frustrating at the same time. Not because I think I'm amazing or anything it's because I wish I was able to get this down as easy as it looks like others can do it. I'm being frustrated because I'm being really self critical on my ability to write, well anything.

I know she must see something in me if she's spending anytime at all reading what I'm sending her and getting back to me. These are things she doesn't need to do, specially as fast as she's been responding to me to be honest. She's very quick, I must say.

So this all has to mean something.

I need to stop being so hard on myself because the best thing I can do is take these notes she emailing me and apply them to future pieces I want to submit.