It's my mess, and I love it.

I just went on this girls blog, who I already assumed had a big following cause she's doing really well. In terms of her career and where she's interning she's getting a ton of awesome opportunities. Some of which make me super jealous, but it also makes me crazy happy for her cause it makes me want to work harder (aka tell myself I will then chill). I have no negative energy towards her at all in all honesty.

Any ways I just happen to find myself on her blog, which is actually very legitimate with the theme and layout, I have to hand it to her. She can actually wear the term blogger proudly. That's what she is, she has a solid following, she gets comments, she's consistent and just wow. Not to mention I went to where she got her theme from, and she paid for that. What? People do that.

It made me realize, my blog doesn't really have a thing. It has no real direction at all. It's just where I like to let off steam or thoughts or cool stuff I found. That's pretty much it, and I don't think I can even call myself a blogger because I don't think of myself to have a following nor do I publicly share this on a regular basis. So then it brings me to the fact of why am I even worrying about this.

Well because it's something I started on my own, that I've invested a lot of emotion and vulnerability into and as much as I would love for all these people to take a liking to it and notice it, it just gave me this weird feeling that if I secretly wanted it to grow or gain attention it doesn't exactly have a place.

I've thought about turning it into a music blog but I'd rather leave my writing about music for 88magazine.com and I don't like the idea of feeling high and mighty like my music taste is the end all be all. God forbid I talk about fashion, something I don't really care about or take a huge interest in. Entertainment would just be, no. Who cares.

I just have to admit and accept that whatever category this goes into, if I've made one for myself  or there is a name for it and I just don't know what that is. It's okay. Because I'm happy with it. I don't want to try to be something I'm not. Being real and honest is something that's really important to me.

So, not sorry for this mess of a blog I've created. It's my mess and I love it.