Morning time thoughts..

I dunno what I'm doing. I feel like an idiot right now. Not about my little story last night I told, I'm over that. I feel like an idiot wanting something to work out so badly and someone I can't have and shouldn't want. I feel like something must be hardwired in my brain to allow me to make decisions that just result in getting hurt, or being miserable. 

I posted don't ignore the red flags for a reason. But I'm always the type of person who doesn't listen and is recklessly fearless enough to keep going. I keep going and push the limit to the worst possible outcome. I haven't done that as of yet, but it's normally how it goes. Then I hate myself for it. It's a sick little cycle. 

I feel hopeless in a way. I feel disgusted that it happens so consistently. 

I can't let it get so terrible this time though. Not again. Noooope.